CARRBORO — Carrboro’s Board of Alderpersons last evening passed a declaration of
war in response to the actions taken by two Vermont communities during the Super
Tuesday Primaries, calling them “unjustifiable pre-emptive strikes.” Although some
political analysts say that this could be just the first step in an escalating crisis, they
hope that it will not lead to an actual war between the previously politically aligned
communities.
Voters in two Vermont towns on March 4th approved measures that order local police
to arrest President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney for “crimes
against our Constitution,” according to reports in their local media. The nonbinding,
symbolic measures, passed in Brattleboro and Marlboro instruct town police to
“extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them.”
“This, it should be well-established by now, is our turf,” said Carrboro Mayor Mark
Chilton. “If any locality, especially a borough, has the prerogative of unilaterally
overturning the United States Constitution, it is Carrboro,” he said. “We been out front
on this for years,” he added “When amateurs start dabbling in constitutional politics,
they will muck things up, and Brattleboro and Marlboro have done just that,” said
Chilton.
“If you tell these guys (Bush and Cheney) — tell them out loud you’re going to arrest
them if they come to your town — guess what, they’re not going to come to your town.
They’re not that stupid; at least not both of them,” said Chilton. “In order to keep our
leading-edge position on these issues, as mayor I now have to release what had been
a discreet closed-chamber vote instructing our police to arrest Bush or Cheney or
either of their wives if they ever even think about coming to Carrboro,” said Chilton.
“It was bad enough when our allies in France began backtracking on their commitment
to anti-Americanism, but when Vermont starts undercutting our efforts, it gets really
tough. Still, we think that if we hold firmly to our position we can get Bush out of office
on January 20, 2009,” said Chilton.
“They wouldn’t seem to know it, but Bush has never visited their state as president.
Just because he has spent vacations at his family compound in nearby Maine doesn’t
change that. So, guess what? Don’t be expecting any sales tax dollars from ol’ W
now,” said Chilton.
Vermont, home to maple syrup and picture-postcard views, is known for its liberal
politics. Carrboro, home to the Carrboro Music Festival, is a small town on the western
fringe of Chapel Hill.
NCAA expands tournament by one-half
OVERLAND PARK, KANSAS — The National Collegiate Athletic Association announced
today that it will add a half-team to this year’s men’s college Division I basketball
playoff format. After adding what many had hoped would be the 65th and final team to
its post-season national championship tournament in 2001, the NCAA says it would
now include one half of one team in an innovative shirts versus skins game among the
players of the most deserving team left out of both the NCAA tournament and the year-
end National Invitational Tournament. The winner of the game will then play the loser of
the 64th versus 65th place “play-in” game one week after the Final Four is played, for
the right to be considered for next year’s preseason NIT.
According to NCAA spokesperson Wally Renfro, the game was primarily created to fill
the gap between the NCAA’s postseason tournament and the prediction and analysis
shows which precede the broadcast of the National Basketball Association draft lottery
show. “It will go head to head with the University of Oklahoma spring football Red-and-
White game, and, honestly, we expect it will do quite well outside of the Midwest.”
Gary D. Gaddy has never been to Vermont (only one of three states east of the
Mississippi to hold such a distinction), but did once attend a concert by Andrés Segovia
in Boston in 1970.
A version of this article was published in the Chapel Hill Herald Thursday March 20,
2008.
Copyright 2008 Gary D. Gaddy
garygaddy.com 