DURHAM, N.C. — Higher management of the Durham Herald-Sun announced today
that, effective with today’s column, Gary D. Gaddy has been replaced as the Chapel
Hill Herald’s Leading Regular Thursday Columnist.
Herald insiders say that current Chapel Hill Herald editor Dan Way and former CH
Herald editor Neil Offen both opposed the move. One source who asked not to be
named said Way and Offen fought against the outsourcing on the grounds that Gaddy
“was so easy to work with, such good company and often picked up lunch tabs.”
This source said the Herald-Sun management made the move because, from their
perspective, Gaddy is very difficult to work with, sometimes publishing odd columns
that no one on the Durham editorial staff understood. “At times we weren’t even
certain whether his columns were fact or fiction,” said an editorial staffer who asked to
remain anonymous for “professional reasons.”
“The columns are supposed to sappy, local puff pieces, and he’s running hundred-
year-old song lyrics, fictitious restaurant reviews and transcripts of Larry King
interviewing God. It’s very disorienting,” the unnamed staff editor added.
Taking Gaddy’s place is a contract ghostwriter working under the pseudonym of Gary
D. Gaddy. Herald-Sun management expects that readers will not notice the difference.
“Once we inadvertently re-published a column run six months before — and nary a
complaint crossed the transom, don’t see how anyone will notice a replacement writer
who is slightly less witty and insightful,” said Offen, currently the Durham Herald’s
Metro editor, in a frank admission that his opposition to the move was primarily
personal.
One expert believes the H-S management team is correct on reader obliviousness.
“What management did, before they made a permanent change, was to study the
impact of this possible switch over the last several months by alternating actual Gaddy
brilliance with ghostwritten boiler plate. No one even noticed — based on the absence
of reader feedback,” said University of North Carolina journalism professor and one-
time gubernatorial candidate Philip Brown.
Even Gaddy’s wife and sometime editorial assistant, who also asked not to be named,
said she thought the “other stuff” was just about as good as Gaddy’s. “Maybe not as
funny, but the spelling was better and the syntax easier to follow,” she said.
Gaddy, who was reported to be very disturbed at first about the change, came to see it
in a different light upon reflection. “When I was first informed, I was very insulted,” said
Gaddy, “then I realized it was nothing to be miffed about. Just the opposite, it’s quite
an honor. Nobodies don’t have ghostwriters. Major industry figures, U.S. presidents
and top Hollywood celebrities, they have ghostwriters.
“Think about this: even the least ghostwriter-supported author, Barbara Bush’s dog
Millie, made the top-ten best-seller list — and probably had a higher approval rating
than George H. W. when he left office,” said Gaddy.
Biden treated for foot-in-mouth disease
WASINGTON, D.C. — The C1B1 virus has claimed its first prominent victim as Vice
President Joseph Biden was admitted today to Bethesda Naval Hospital for treatment
of a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease. Because it took so long for Biden to receive
initial treatment, doctors say it is not clear when, or if, he will recover.
Not everyone, however, is unhappy with Biden’s poor prognosis. The National
Association of Comics and Comedians said a slow recovery for Biden would be a good
thing for them.
“Without Biden, we won’t have a single notable white male to deride. Talk about the
Great Recession, the auto industry has had a cakewalk compared to us. You ought to
try writing nightly standup comedy without George Bush to kick around,” said Sander
Sandersson, chief monologue writer for the Tonight Show. “Biden has been a
godsend,” he added.
Genetically similar to swine flu, foot-in-mouth disease originated in an animal host,
spreading from the jackass to humans.
***
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You might be a redneck if . . . you have ever said, “You
might be a redneck if.”
Gary D. Gaddy may or may not be the author of this column. (Go to GaryGaddy.com to
see past columns.)
A version of this column was published in the Chapel Hill Herald Thursday May 7,
2009.
Copyright 2009 Gary D. Gaddy
garygaddy.com 