Very Briefly: The News in Briefs

This week’s local, state, national and international news pre-digested for your
consumptive pleasure.
Carrboro to star in network TV series.
CARRBORO, N.C. — The mid-season replacement television show The Goode Family,
an animated comedy by Mike Judge, the creator and star of the hit animated television
series Beavis and Butt-head and King of the Hill, will be moving its locale to Carrboro
for the fall season, ABC announced today.
While the current program does not directly reference Carrboro or list it in the show’s
credits, those knowledgeable about the show and Carrboro say the parallels are far too
numerous to be coincidence, and moving the show to the small North Carolina town
will enhance its gritty reality.
***
Easleys hire Burris and Blagojevich
RALEIGH, N.C. — Former N.C. governor Mike Easley and his wife, former N.C. State
University administrator Mary Easley, have hired Roland Burris, the U.S. senator
holding Barack Obama’s former seat, and ex-Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, to
advise them on managing their public images. As Dr. Zach S. Kennagachi, a professor
in North Carolina State University’s Department of Communication, noted succinctly, “It
can’t hurt, now can it?”
***
Obama to appear on Letterman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama will be making an appearance on the
Late Show with David Letterman to apologize for appearing on Letterman’s show,

according to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. Gibbs said Obama’s
proposed Top Ten Apologies list is still being drafted.
***
Court protects melanin deficiency disorder
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In one of its last decisions before Associate Justice David
Souter leaves the court, the Supreme Court ruled today by a five-to-four margin that
melanin deficiency is a legitimate disability eligible for protection under the Americans
with Disabilities Act (ADA).
Melanin deficiency disorder (MDD) is characterized by a series of superficial symptoms,
including most commonly pale to pasty colored skin. Ruled eligible under ADA are a
series of medical interventions which may ameliorate if not reverse the MDD condition,
including ultraviolet treatments, lower extremity strengthening therapy and group
cotillion.
In a related case, several close court observers say that had the Supreme Court not
ruled in favor of the 19 white New Haven, Conn., firefighters, they may have had to void
the outcome of the recent National Basketball Association championship.
According to Professor Claude H. Hinkle of the Tufts University School of Law, the
criteria used in the firefighters’ job promotion examination were no more valid than the
statistics of points, rebounds, assists, steals and turnovers used to select starters for
those games.
***
UN: Next North Korea resolution to be bolder
NEW YORK — The United Nations vowed today that if North Korea persists in
developing and testing nuclear weapons and intercontinental ballistic missiles to carry
them, the next resolution that it passes will be even bolder.
“We have been working with typography experts and typeface designers to find the
look that says, most clearly and cleanly, we are serious this time,” said United Nations
troubleshooter Ibrahim Gambar.
“We were very disturbed to discover that our last four resolutions were in Arial Light,
which, obviously, has no heft or gravitas, and without a doubt, contributed to the North
Korean response, which was, according to our envoy, in three cases to ball them up
and throw them back in our envoy’s face. In the fourth case, Kim Jong Il lit a cigar with
it — and not a very fancy one at that,” said UN’s Kwang Trig.
Experts say the next resolution’s print will be much larger than used on any past UN
resolution of any kind. “We are examining the fonts to determine which one makes the
most dramatic statement. At this point we are leaning towards Bodoni Extra Bold,
which expresses a sincere earnestness without being combative. We want to come
across as unwavering but we don’t want to seem strident,” said Trig.

Gary D. Gaddy was a journalist, briefly.
A version of this column was published in the Chapel Hill Herald Thursday July 2, 2009.
Copyright 2009 Gary D. Gaddy