THE HAGUE — The International Court of Justice, operating under the Lucerne
Conventions Concerning Blogging and Hacking, today presented an indictment of Gary
D. Gaddy, the originator, author and sole proprietor of GaryGaddy.com, for “multiple
and serial violations of blogging protocol.”
Gaddy, court officials hope, may be the first person convicted under the new
conventions.
“The Lucerne Conventions are an unfortunately necessary adjunct to the expanding
scope of the worldwide web,” said the Court’s standing Rules Committee member
Judge Antônio A. Cançado Trindade. According to Trindade, formalization of the
formerly informal rules of blogging were inevitable given the expansion of access to the
internet to those not inculcated in its shared culture.
Gaddy was indicted under four separate articles of the Lucerne Conventions, including
Section 8, Subsection C, Article I, “failure to use appropriate quantities of
abbreviations, acronyms and emoticons,” which Gaddy is accused of repeatedly
violating. Expert witnesses said that Gaddy had regularly posted entries of up to 675
words without including so much as a single “u” or “&” or “BTW”.
Gaddy was charged with, under Section 3, Subsection B, Article II, “being clothed in
attire other than underwear or pajamas or other sleepwear while composing materials
intended for online posting,” Gaddy has, on several occasions, according the
indictment, written and/or edited material for internet posts while wearing “street
clothes, socks and shoes.”
Under Section 3, Subsection B, Article I, “authoring and/or editing while clean shaven,”
officials claimed as evidence a cordless electric razor found in Gaddy’s domicile that
was not only “regularly and recently used” but “shows clear evidence of recent
automated cleaning.”
Under Section 10, Subsection A, Article IV, Gaddy was charged with maintaining an
image “inappropriate for online viewing.” Gaddy, the indictment claims, appears in at
least one posted webcam photo “wearing a necktie or cravat tied with a four-in-hand
knot.”
The International Court of Justice, the principal judicial organ of the United Nations,
has its seat at the Peace Palace in The Hague, The Netherlands. The Court’s role is to
settle, in accordance with international law, legal disputes submitted to it by States and
to give advisory opinions on legal questions referred to it by authorized United Nations
organs and specialized agencies.
***
In related news, U.S. law enforcement agencies are studying placing federal criminal
charges against Gaddy, contrapositively related to the charges filed against WikiLeaks
founder Julian Assange, which were made under the Espionage Act for Assange’s
publication of classified U.S. diplomatic cables. The proposed charges against Gaddy
are for nondisclosure of unclassified disinformation, Attorney General Eric Holder said
Thursday. No further information was released.
Amish scientists invent time machine
LANCASTER COUNTY, Pa. — Amish scientists reported today that they have designed,
developed and implemented the world’s first practical time machine. Aaron Garber,
who was also the lead engineer for the design and construction of the Amish fireplace,
also known as the Heat Surge® Roll-n-Glow® electric fireplace, with Amish-made
wood mantle, led the effort.
One drawback to the Amish Time Traveler’s® innovative buttonless operational design,
the Garber reports, is that the engineers have not determined how to reverse the
polarity of function and thus travel into the future or, more significantly, return from the
past.
While the Amish Time Traveler® is not currently available for purchase, Garber noted
that the Amish Mantle Heat Surge® miracle heater is currently on sale at
HeatSurge.com for as little as $298, not including shipping and handling.
Gary D. Gaddy has a long legal record, beginning with his first court appearance in the
summer of 1963 for disturbing the peace and the illegal discharge of Class C fireworks.
A version of this story was published in the Chapel Hill Herald on Friday January 28,
2011.
Copyright 2011 Gary D. Gaddy
garygaddy.com 