CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — The recent pandemic of affluenza which swept across America,
as well as major parts of western Europe, may have abated, but, University of North
Carolina experts warn, could recur.
Researchers at the UNC’s Gillings School of Global Public Health’s Department of
Epidemiology say a new wave of affluenza could emerge at any time. As long as
pockets of affluenza remain, a new pandemic is possible, even probable, given time,
the researchers said.
“As we learned from the dot.com bubble of the nineties and again from the real estate
bubble of the last decade, affluenza is highly contagious, not even requiring direct
human contact. We have seen cases where it spread through a neighborhood, from
one family to another, even though the individuals had never met or so much as
spoken. Just looking at the house across the street seemed to be sufficient. Keeping
up with the Joneses is more than an annoyance, it can be a major health hazard,” said
UNC epidemiologist Jackson Obergeld.
Affluenza, despite the etymological connection to the word influenza, sits quite distinct
in its symptomatology and in its population distribution from the major strains of
influenza. Obergeld notes that influenza strikes across the demographic spectrum but
hits hardest on the youngest, the oldest and the poorest among us. Affluenza, in
contrast, concentrates on the upwardly mobile and, of course, those who have already
arrived.
This up-scale bias has one good side effect as treatment for affluenza can be very
expensive, said Dr. Benjamin Brinkmann. “It is one of few naturally occurring sliding-
scale diseases,” said Brinkmann, an infectious disease specialist at UNC’s School of
Medicine, referencing the fact that affluenza costs more to treat in wealthy patients
than poorer ones. Often, he said, a full cure costs even the wealthiest clients their
entire fortunes.
Often caricatured as a disease of the handsome, Brinkmann, who has treated some of
America’s elite for the ailment including some of his own colleagues and
administrators, notes that is not always so. Unlike UNC’s Brett Sheridan, M.D.,
affluenza victims don’t all look like Dr. Doug Ross on the long-running medical drama
ER. Balding anesthesiologists, says Brinkmann, can also get affluenza.
According to Dr. Lincoln LeGrande, author of the seminal work “The Etiology,
Treatment and Prognosis of Affluenza,” the poor in rich countries, who are generally not
actually poor, can also suffer from affluenza.
“You know a society has been hit hard by affluenza when the average poor household
has a car, a DVD player and a cellphone, gets cable TV and has too much to eat,” said
LeGrande.
Although the full etiology of affluenza is not well understood at this time, researchers
say that there are clearly both genetic and environmental components to the disorder.
For example, if both parents have or have had the disease, a child’s chances of
getting it are increased eight-fold as compared to a child with two disease-free
parents, according to UNC biostatistician Grant Fundet. Likewise, if your spouse has
the disease your chances are quadrupled, he said. And, curiously, in cases where your
spouse is not initially infected, but his or her siblings or in-laws are, your odds increase
16-fold, said Fundet.
The rule of thumb in detecting affluenza, according to LeGrande, is girth (as measured
by the footprint of the residence, the wheelbase of the SUV and the circumference of
the abdomen) with each dimension being a clear indicator of affluenza.
Early diagnosis of affluenza is essential to a timely cure. One of the first symptoms in
males is a gross thickening of the wallet, which is paralleled in females by handbag
growth, said LeGrande.
Once the primary early psychological sign of the initial onset of affluenza, susceptibility
to imaginary wealth has greatly diminished lately but could arise again. “Beware when
someone tells you ‘Your tract house is worth a half a million dollars’ and your first
response is to say, ‘That is ridiculous’ and your second is to take out a home equity line
worth a couple of hundred thousand bucks; this could be the start of the next wave of
affluenza,” said LeGrande.
While new treatments for affluenza are under development, the crude, but tested and
proven method remains the surgical removal of embedded plastic deposits. Although
many need qualified professional help to perform this procedure, some desperate and
uninsured spouses have successfully used kitchen shears, said LeGrande.
***
The assistance rendered in this column should not be considered legal, financial,
medical or psychological advice. All readers are advised to obtain qualified
professional guidance before diagnosing or treating their own or others’
affluenza.
Gary D. Gaddy, who briefly lived next door to the Gillings, currently lives across the
street from the Joneses.
A version of this story was published in the Chapel Hill Herald on Friday July 15, 2011.
Copyright 2011 Gary D. Gaddy
garygaddy.com 