Category: Spoofs
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Recall of human race announced
CHAPEL HILL — In what business analysts are calling a move unprecedented in the history of manufacturing, God today announced the immediate recall of all currently functioning human beings. The…
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Shari Lewis exhumed; Lamp Chop questioned
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — The body of actress and comedienne Shari Lewis has been exhumed, the Los Angeles Medical Examiner announced today, initiating a new investigation into the circumstances surrounding…
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God quits the religion business
CHAPEL HILL — God has announced that he is quitting the religion business, belated media reports indicate. As CEO, CFO and COO of the world's largest religion conglomerate, God has…
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Carrboro declares war on Vermont
CARRBORO — Carrboro's Board of Alderpersons last evening passed a declaration of war in response to the actions taken by two Vermont communities during the Super Tuesday Primaries, calling them…
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The etymology of the word fan
I WILL TELL YOU WHY etymologists believe the word fan is derived from the word fanatic. This will take a moment. Last Saturday, my men's team, the Gentlemen Tar Heels,…
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Chapel Hill’s “gift” to Williamsburg
WHEN THE FORMER DEAN of the School of Law at the University of North Carolina was hired as president of the College of William and Mary, I said to my…
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Predatory education bill passes North Carolina House
RALEIGH — A bill designed to end "predatory education" has passed the North Carolina House of Representatives. The proposed statute (HB 937) would ban predatory college tuition rates and limits…
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UNC women’s basketball coach Sylvia Hatchell fired
CHAPEL HILL — Sylvia Hatchell has been summarily dismissed from her position as the University of North Carolina's head women's basketball coach, the University announced today. "It is with some…
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Brady benched; Bundchen in Super Bowl
AS OVER ONE BILLION EXPECTED VIEWERS await the coin toss, inside sources with the New England Patriots reported today that reigning league MVP quarterback Tom Brady will not play in…
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Revisiting the presidential candidates
SEVERAL MONTHS AGO, resting comfortably in my Orange County estate, I did a survey of the leading as well as lagging candidates for president of the United States. After some…
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