Category: Sports
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A very, very questionable column
SOME OF MY MOST DEDICATED readers, who seem to have nothing better to do than try to figure out what I mean by my columns, have sent me a series…
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It’s time to throw my hat in the ring
THE TIME HAS COME for me to throw my hat in the ring — where it will be trampled by a herd of jackasses and pachyderms. I am today unofficially…
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News in briefs by Fruit of the Loom
Today's news snippets are being brought to you by Fruit of the Loom all-natural undergarments and through the generous support of writers like me. Horace Williams to become spaceport CHAPEL…
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Global warming thaws Al Gore
SOUTH POLE STATION, Antarctica – In what climatologists say is the definitive sign that the theory of global warming is fact, Al Gore appears to have spontaneously thawed. Gore's frozen…
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A salute to my championship season
WHEN YOU ARE SITTING ON TOP of the bell-shaped curve, resting at the very height of averageness, many would say that it would be hard to go anywhere but down.…
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Schadenfreude and other sports terms
IN MY CONTINUING QUEST to educate the not-so-squalid masses of the Orange County vicinity, I have decided to fall back upon one of my more dependable areas of expertise: modern…
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Coming down from
MANY OF YOU, I know, are sitting on the edges of your seats waiting with bated breath to hear how I did at USTA North Carolina Senior Men's 3.5 Doubles…
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Coming down from the mountain
MANY OF YOU, I know, are sitting on the edges of your seats waiting with bated breath to hear how I did at USTA North Carolina Senior Men's 3.5 Doubles…
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Truth vs. fiction, and vice versa
MANY OF MY LOYAL READERS, it appears, are, as might be expected, confused. (By application of the principle of contraposition, I conclude that many of my disloyal readers are confused…
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University of North Carolina to hire Republican
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — In a split vote, the University of North Carolina's Board of Trustees voted to today to broaden its affirmative action policy on hiring to include a…
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