DETROIT — The Ford Motor Company, in conjunction with Hydrolytics, Inc., announced today that they have produced, in an unprecedented engineering feat, a water-powered car that could end America's dependence on foreign petroleum for vehicle propulsion. The prototype vehicle, currently code-named the H-2-0, runs completely and solely on pure water. "The H-2-0 gets great water mileage," said Ford automotive designer Brent Sigelbach. "The latest tests show it gets 42 miles per gallon on the highway and 36 in the city, about the same as the gas mileage of a fuel-efficient Honda Civic."

Minor concerns are all that are keeping the car from entering mass production today. "As you might expect, you couldn't just take water out of a puddle to fuel an H-2-0. The water can't be tap water or even filtered, it has to be pure — Evian class or better. And it needs to be cooled, 44 degrees Fahrenheit or cooler, but not frozen," said Ford Chairman and CEO, Bill Ford.

The infrastructure is not there yet to have pre-cooled pure-water pumps at filling stations, say CEO Ford, so to use existing technology H-2-0 drivers will have to fuel their cars from half-liter bottles. Fortunately for Ford, and the H-2-0 drivers, most convenience market/filling station stores currently sell acceptable quality water/fuel, keeping it appropriately refrigerated in their "beverage" cases.

Hydrolytics, Inc., originally had been working on a cold-fusion-based vehicular propulsion system, when one of their test engineers, since laid off, hooked up the apparatus backwards. Rather than cold fusion, cool fraction occurred. While the explosion which took place did destroy the facility and set Hydrolytics research in general back for nearly a year, it also formed the basis for the H-2-0 propulsion technology.

A German efficiency expert working with Ford is trying to reduce several functional inefficiencies and cost-factors in the H-2-0's operation. According to Dr. Hans Krabbe of Sehr-Sehr Deutsch Consulting, the average fueling time for the typical eleven gallon gasoline or diesel car fuel tank is 4.2 minutes. For the H-2-0, it takes 28.6 minutes, and produces 48 empty plastic bottles and 48 plastic caps, which Krabbe estimates contain the petroleum energy of 9.8 gallons of oil. At current prices, which are expected to rise as demand increases as more H-2-0's get on the road, filling up an H-2-0 costs about $52, or about $4.40 a gallon.

Ford hopes to have H-2-0's on the showroom floor for the 2010 model season, which begins early in January 2009.

Gary D. Gaddy once owned a steam-powered boat he bought from an ad in the back of a comic book. It was the first time he really got snookered.

A version of this story was published in the Chapel Hill Herald on Thursday October 2, 2008.

Copyright 2008 Gary D. Gaddy

Chapel Hill to replace Halloween festivities

CHAPEL HILL — After years of dealing with the growing numbers of people celebrating Halloween on Franklin Street — and facing the growing headaches that have come along with them, the town of Chapel Hill has decided to move the festivities to the daytime on the day following Halloween. Town officials say they expect the move to reduce the amount of damage and the number of arrests as well as the total cost of the event to the municipality.

After adopting the proposal, Mayor Kevin Foy said he quickly realized that if the event was held the day after Halloween it wouldn't be Halloween anymore and decided that the town "would need to re-focus and re-package the event." Foy said that since the event would no longer be held on All Hallow's Eve — Halloween being just a modern contraction for the name for the ancient holiday, it needed to be reconceptualized. "We're going to call it 'All Saints Day Celebration on the Hill,'" said Foy. "After all these years of celebrating the Devil, we thought it was time that we brought a little counterbalance," he said.

"A lot of people don't realize it but the name of our town is Chapel Hill, so a nice Christian celebration every now and then would seem in order, if only to commemorate our godly origins," said Councilperson and Mayor Pro Tem Jim Ward.

"We are also asking that the town's children, of all ages, stop traveling the neighborhoods on the night before to blackmail adults for candy with threats of 'Trick or Treat!', said Ward. "Instead we are asking them to collect canned goods from their own homes and take to them to their neighbors as gestures of goodwill," he added. "Although these small gifts may not make up for the egging that they gave to their houses last year and the toilet papering they did the year before, it certainly could help build some good feelings," said Ward.

To keep alcohol involved in the festival, a sunrise communion service will be part of the day's activities, said Councilperson Mark Kleinschmidt. "While this probably won't help participants get smashed out their gourds, a little nip of Manischewitz never hurt anybody," he added.

Despite the event's name, Councilperson Matt Czajkowski said sinners as well as saints would be welcome.

Gary D. Gaddy once dressed as Santa Claus for Halloween as a child.

A version of this story was published in the Chapel Hill Herald on Thursday October 2, 2008.

Copyright 2008 Gary D. Gaddy