Category: 2007
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UNC’s Biscuit Burke goes pro
CHAPEL HILL — Already on edge from the possibly impending announcement that the University of North Carolina basketball team's starting forward Brandan Wright would opt to leave school early to…
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End the Legacy of Racism at UNC
APOLOGIZING, as the NC Senate did recently, for slavery was a nice gesture. Now we should do something about it. Since slavery has been abolished already, without any help from…
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A fan’s memo to Coach Butch Davis
THE DOGWOODS are blooming; the sweet smell of pine pollen is in the air. That can only mean one thing: it's time for spring football — and for the fans…
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Hollow Rock’s Most Mediocre Member
(This article is re-printed from the very latest issue of the Hollow Rock Racquet and Swim Club Newsletter for those of you who aren't fortunate enough to be on their…
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God drops out of NCAA playoffs
VATICAN CITY and CHAPEL HILL — God announced today that He will cease immediately taking a position on specific sporting events, including, of most significance locally, the college basketball playoffs.…
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We need to treat, not arrest, those with mental illness
BEFORE I really begin, let me make one personal recommendation to you: If you are going to get a disease — choose your organ carefully — because if you have…
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Hooters’ Carrboro encounter
CARRBORO, N.C. — Hooters of America, Inc., the Atlanta-based operator and franchiser of Hooters restaurants, announced today that they will be opening a new franchise in Carrboro early next year.…
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Duke discovers it’s in North Carolina
DURHAM, N.C. — Duke University President Richard Broadhead announced today that researchers from the University's geography department had just discovered that the Duke campus was physically located in the state…
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UNC finds cure for Political Incorrectness
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Political Incorrectness (PnC), a neurological condition often characterized by scholars as narrow-mindedness, can now be effectively and efficiently cured, researchers at the University of North Carolina…
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Expanding on the ACC expansion
After demonstrating that football is bigger than basketball at UNC (11/27/06), I will now undertake a much easier task: to show, two and a half years into the new and…
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