Category: Spoofs
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Now introducing . . . the Albatross!
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Congress today ordered General Motors to begin producing "as quickly as feasible" a brand new model for its Cadillac line of passenger vehicles, the Albatross.…
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The burdens of being a Local Voice
I AM A LOCAL VOICE. It says so right here in the paper. Look, up at the top of this column. It'd be nice if I could be a disembodied…
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Gaddy to be replaced as columnist
DURHAM, N.C. — Higher management of the Durham Herald-Sun announced today that, effective with today's column, Gary D. Gaddy has been replaced as the Chapel Hill Herald's Leading Regular Thursday…
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McCain-Palin sighted in Carrboro
CARRBORO — The town of Carrboro has issued a special bulletin alerting citizens to be on the lookout for light-colored passenger vehicle, a late model foreign import, probably a Honda…
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Neutered Dictionary’s release postponed
CHAPEL HILL — The University of North Carolina Press announced today that the scheduled release of "The Roy Williams Dictionary of Neutered Synonyms: Inexplicit Interjections, Adjectives, Adverbs and Gerunds" has…
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Dean Smith to coach Obama’s team
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Hall of Fame basketball coach Dean E. Smith announced today that he is coming out of his decade-long retirement to coach basketball again. Smith will be…
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Losers — in the Losers’ Bracket
MY WIFE IS A LOSER. Or at least she is since she met me. (Which may explain why we have grocery bags full of tennis trophies in our basement, very…
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Satan goes out at the “top of his game”
DURHAM — Satan announced today that he is stepping down immediately as the primary force for evil in this world. No word has been given on any of his possible…
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Ford Announces Water-Powered Automobile
DETROIT — The Ford Motor Company, in conjunction with Hydrolytics, Inc., announced today that they have produced, in an unprecedented engineering feat, a water-powered car that could end America's dependence…
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An Olympic collection of odds ‘n’ ends
BEIJING, via satellite — As the XXIX Olympiad has drawn to close, I can now see the many lessons that I have learned from watching the dedicated and hardworking athletes…
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